Modern Motherhood: WTF is this?

Ladies, can we take it down a notch? I’m fucking tired. We do too much. Spoiler alert: you CANNOT have it all.

Let’s be real: Men are never going to do as much as us! If a man does 1 chore he expects a damn medal. I’d take mowing the lawns once a month and taking the rubbish out, over the mount Everest of shit I have to do. “But men work and stuff”.. WE WORK TOO Fullstop.

There’s this TikTok account of a man—who works AND does the majority of the work around the house. He gets the kids up, lets his wife sleep in, feeds them, dresses them, gets them ready for the day. Then, to top it off like a cherry on the “WTF” sundae, he takes his wife a coffee in bed. Sis is still tucked in at 7am. She wins. Full stop.

But let’s clock something important: the fact this guy has 500 million views (and counting) tells you everything. This is revolutionary. He’s not the norm. He’s BREAKING NEWS. Because we’re so conditioned to the bare minimum that when a man actually parents and households, it’s headline-worthy. The comments on this man’s videos are always entertaining to read: “Where can I purchase one of these men at?” and “My husband didn’t come with an exchange policy.” but there’s always once Susan that comments: “My man is the same, he does so much!”Ok, thanks Susan. This post isn’t for you. Thank you for making the rest of us feel even more disappointed in our lives.

Let me be clear – We are not asking for a full gender role reversal, we are not asking for 100%... We are asking for a cool 40% or 50% but that may be pushing it, but damn it why isn’t that the standard! Honestly—how many husbands are actually doing 50% or more of everything? Cooking, cleaning, bedtime, mental load, planning birthdays, packing bags or doing something, ANYTHING without being asked?

Take my own husband. One day, I walked out and saw him cutting our daughter’s nails. No prompting. No reminder. He just… did it. Naturally, I reacted how any woman, conditioned to reward crumbs of effort would—I gave him exaggerated praise and threw in a blow job later that night. Should we have to hand out oral sex as a reward for doing the bare minimum?Absolutely not. And this, my friends, is why my husband rarely gets blow jobs now.

Let’s be honest—most of us don’t enjoy giving blow jobs that much to begin with. Especially when we’re drowning in work, chores, carrying the mental load, and doing everything to keep the household running. If he’s not helping out, sucking his sweaty cock is literally the last thing I feel like doing.

MEN: let me let you in on a little secret...The more you show up, support us, and actually help, the hornier we become. The more you contribute, the more attractive you become!

The flip side? The less you do, the more we carry. And the more we carry, the more exhausted, resentful, and emotionally detached we become. We stop prioritizing ourselves because there’s simply no time or energy left...

We gain weight.

We wear the same damn leggings for four days.

We forget what skincare is.

Not because we don’t care—because we are fucking tired and overwhelmed.

And then—because the universe just loves a full-circle moment—some men start to lose attraction to us. They grunt instead of saying hello. They stop asking how our day was. Sometimes, they cheat and even move on to someone new and exciting who still has a spark. But eventually, he will drain her too. Because the problem isn’t us. The problem is expecting women to pour from an empty cup—and then punishing them when it runs dry.

I don’t know what the answer is. But I do know we shouldn’t just accept it.

We shouldn’t keep swallowing resentment and calling it normal. We shouldn’t be handing out gold stars for doing the bare minimum.

Maybe the change starts when we raise our children. Maybe we teach our sons and daughters to contribute equally. Maybe we model better balance. But here’s the thing—how do we raise the next generation differently when they’re watching this one? How do we teach them equality when their father is modeling the opposite?

Empowerment shouldn’t mean “we can do it all.” It should fuel us to raise the standard, to put expectations in place so that our needs are met too.

We need a shift. A generational reset. That – or we just wait until our next life, and hope like hell, that we are reincarnated with a penis.

-Ashley ELLIS.

Pic by Freepik